And a pair of Louboutin heels
by rubycaspar
Summary: A Christmas Becker/Jess story told in three parts. It's Christmastime and Becker is going to have to face up to his feelings for Jess before the holidays are over. Champagne, mistletoe and shoe shopping can only help...
1. A Pair of Louboutin Heels

I started writing this two years ago. At first I didn't finish it because I couldn't think of a good ending, and then I always wanted to wait until Christmas… this year I finally thought of a way to end it, but it involves tacking on two more chapters – whoops! I'm hoping I can get the next two chapters up in the next week or so (which will be kind of in line with the timeframe of the story…) but famous last words and all that…

If you'd like to know what shoes Jess gets, they're Gwynnita Gomme Neptune shoes in the Louboutin Spring/Summer 2014 collection (£495…)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

**Three glasses of Veuve, two sprigs of mistletoe and pair of Louboutin heels or, How Becker Finally Figures It Out**

**Part One – A pair of Louboutin heels**

Becker hated Christmas shopping. Shopping wasn't really his thing in general, but in the run-up to Christmas every annoyance shopping brought was exacerbated by about twenty times. The crowds, the screaming kids, the queues, the tacky lights… just the thought of it all made him shudder. The last couple of years he'd done all of his shopping online, but somehow he'd allowed himself to get talked into a trip to Westfield by Jess. _Westfield_. He wasn't sure how it had happened – there'd been perfume, and big smiles, and she'd been holding his arm… and then he'd found himself agreeing to go along.

Then the rest of the team were going too. Then they were all splitting up to get their shopping. And so Becker was suddenly alone, in Westfield shopping centre, two weeks before Christmas.

It was horrific.

Since he was there, Becker made a concerted effort to do _some_ shopping, but got as far as a scarf for his mum before completely giving up and ducking into a coffee shop to wait out the hour and a half left until he was due to meet up with Jess and the others. If he had any sense he would have text her to say he was going home, but he didn't. He drank his coffee and tried not to think too hard about his reasons for staying – he preferred to assume he just didn't have any sense than the real reason that he was valiantly ignoring.

Finally, it was time to head to the rendezvous. The shopping centre had emptied a lot in the time he'd been hiding out – they hadn't got there until quite late into the evening since they'd come from work anyway, and most of the shops were going to be closing in about ten minutes or so. Abby and Connor were already waiting by the escalators they'd parted by earlier, several brightly coloured shopping bags at their feet, but there was no sign of Jess, Matt or Emily.

Abby spotted him first and smiled as he approached. "Hey."

"Hey," he returned. "All done?"

"Yep," Connor said. He glanced down at the solitary bag in Becker's hand and smirked. "Wow, you've gone all out," he said sarcastically.

"Whatever," Becker said shortly. He looked around, but couldn't see a sign of the others.

Abby saw him looking round. "Matt and Emily are upstairs buying an iPad, I said we'd go and meet them up there when we've got Jess," she told him.

Becker nodded. "Where _is_ Jess?" He asked, turning back to Connor and Abby.

Abby nodded towards the shop they were standing in front of. "Where do you think?" She asked with a grin.

Becker looked and saw that they were standing in front of a shoe shop. It wasn't a chain Becker recognised, and the window showed a display of colourful, eccentric high heels, every one of which he could imagine on Jess' feet.

A shoe shop. It was like Jess' mother ship. He knew he should just wait outside with the rest of them, but he couldn't resist the temptation to observe Jess in that kind of environment, and probably collect good teasing fodder. In fact it would make the whole trip worthwhile. He smirked and started towards the shop. "I'll go get her."

Abby and Connor both smirked at him as if they knew exactly why he wanted to go into the shop. They probably did.

At first glance the shop looked empty. Becker could hear some noises coming from round the corner and he headed for the back of the store, where he found Jess. There were about ten or twelve bags of varying size on the floor by a padded bench, and the heels Jess had been wearing that day were lying discarded next to them. Jess had her back to him, and was standing in front of a full-length mirror, studying her feet.

Becker looked down and saw that she was wearing a pair of high-heeled strappy sandals. Most of the straps were purple but the ones across her toes were white and the body of the shoe was turquoise, and he could just about see that the soles of the shoes were bright red. To be honest, he didn't know why Jess was even bothering to try them on – they were clearly made for her.

Jess looked up and saw him in the mirror. "Becker! What are you doing here?" She spun round to face him, her eyes wide.

"Looking for you," he said. "You going to buy those?"

Jess sighed. "No, there's no way I could afford them, especially not this month," she said, looking down at the shoes with a forlorn expression. She sighed again, and looked back up at him. "I won't be long, I'll meet you outside."

"It's okay, I can wait," Becker said.

Jess glanced at something behind Becker and then back at him. "Seriously, I think you should wait outside," she said. "This is boring."

Becker smirked – she was clearly trying to get rid of him to escape the inevitable teasing about shoes. "I'll survive," he said.

Jess glanced back again, and shifted from foot to foot. "Becker really – trust me, please go," she said seriously.

Becker frowned at her change in tone. "Why?" He asked suspiciously. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the thing she'd been looking at was a door, which presumably led to the back rooms of the shop.

"I'll explain later," Jess said, her voice sounding kind of urgent now.

Becker didn't know what was going on, but Jess was clearly uncomfortable or nervous about something, and he didn't think it was the thought of him teasing her. One thing was for sure – he wasn't about to leave her while she was like that. "I'm not going anywhere," he said decisively, folding his arms over his chest.

Jess stared at him for a moment before straightening her shoulders and pursing her lips into a defiant expression. "Don't say I didn't warn you," she said cryptically.

Becker raised an eyebrow at her sudden change in demeanour, but before he could say anything else the door behind him opened, and Becker looked round to see a man walk out carrying a shoebox. He was wearing black skinny jeans, pointed patent leather shoes and a dark red long-sleeve t-shirt.

"You are in luck, honey, because we just so happen to have..." the man's voice trailed off as he noticed Becker, and his eyes widened before he smiled widely. "Well _hello _there, tall dark and handsome," he said. "Jessica, who is this luscious piece of man flesh?"

Becker's eyes widened, and he heard Jess take a few steps towards him.

"Ricky, meet Captain Becker," she said cheerfully.

Ricky raised an eyebrow and smirked at Becker. "_Captain_?" He repeated. "My my, I do love a man in uniform." He held out a hand to Becker, but not as if he wanted to shake hands – it was more like the way a lady would hold out their hand to be kissed. "_Enchante_."

Becker really wasn't sure what to do right now. It wasn't so much that Ricky was so blatantly hitting on him that was a problem – it was the fact that Jess was standing right behind him, clearly enjoying every moment. Damn her – she'd done this on purpose. He forced himself not to look back round at her; since he could imagine her smirk all too well this wasn't a sacrifice.

Becker steeled himself and reached out to take Ricky's hand to shake it, but the man caught his hand in an iron grip and slid a step closer to him, so their hands were practically against his chest. Becker resisted the urge to snatch his hand back. "Erm, hi," he said.

"Becker didn't want to wait outside with everyone else – he loves shoe shopping," Jess piped up.

Becker did turn then, to glare at Jess – she was barely holding in her laughter.

"Well that's something we have in common, darling," Ricky practically purred, drawing Becker's attention back to him. His grip tightened on Becker's hand. "Maybe we should find out what _else _we have in common," he said suggestively, before winking.

Becker was literally lost for words, and was all kinds of grateful when Ricky let go of his hand. He brushed past him to walk over to Jess, who was grinning widely.

"Tell you what, Ricky, why don't you come with us to the pub?" She said. "You said your shift is almost done."

Becker's jaw dropped. _What the hell was she doing? _

"Hmm, I was supposed to be doing a zumba class tonight, but my schedule has suddenly become very free," Ricky said, looking over his shoulder at Becker and smiling.

"Good," Jess said warmly. She looked over at Becker with a grin. "Isn't that great?"

Becker narrowed his eyes at her. "Yeah," he said flatly.

Ricky put the box down on the bench next to Jess. "So we have the size fives in rose, peach or custard," he said.

"Ooh... peach I think," Jess said. "Thanks Ricky."

Ricky nodded and turned back towards the door – and Becker. He smiled at him. "Back in a moment – don't you go anywhere."

The second the door closed behind him, Becker rounded on Jess. She was grinning delightedly.

"I can't _believe _you just did that to me," he hissed at her.

Jess shrugged. "I told you to wait outside," she reminded him.

Becker glared at her. "But you didn't have... why did you invite him to the pub?" He demanded.

"Ricky's a friend of mine," Jess said innocently.

"Jess!"

"What? Ricky's a nice guy." She cocked her head to one side and gave him a wide-eyed look. "You could do a lot worse."

Becker narrowed his eyes at her as her lips started twitching. "This isn't funny," he said through gritted teeth.

Jess pretended to think about it for a moment before nodding. "It is."

Becker could see he wasn't getting anywhere with her, and he groaned. "Connor and Abby will never let me live this down," he said.

Jess grinned. "You may be right there," she said. "And Matt will probably find it rather amusing as well…"

Becker groaned again at the thought of Matt's reaction. "You have to uninvite him," he said flatly.

"That would be very rude."

"Then you have to get him to back off."

"Why me?"

Becker glared at her again. "Because this is all your fault and you know it," he growled.

Jess shrugged. "Maybe," she said. "Or maybe I just want to see you squirm all evening."

"Jess!" Becker exclaimed. Jess was grinning at him, and she looked so much more evil than he had ever seen her. She clearly wasn't going to help him get out of this so easily, so his tone turned pleading.

"Please. I'll give you chocolate."

"I'm cutting back," Jess said airily.

"I'll bring you coffee for a month."

"I'm very particular, I like to make my own." Jess looked away from him and sat down on the bench to start to take off the colourful shoes she was wearing.

"I..." Becker bowed his head as he tried to think, and his eyes fell on her feet. His head snapped back up to her face. "I'll buy you the shoes."

Jess' hands froze as they worked to undo the strap of one such shoe. She stared at him. "What?"

"Those shoes," Becker said, pointing at her feet. "The ones you can't afford. I'll buy them for you."

Jess stood up again, leaving the shoes on her feet, and stared at him. All traces of her evil grin had vanished. She looked like she was considering his offer for a moment, before shaking her head. "Becker, they're pretty expensive…"

Becker could see he had her, despite her attempt to appear otherwise. She sounded like she was trying to talk herself out of it rather than him. "It's fine," he said a little desperately. "Really, I'll buy them."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart," Becker said.

Jess grinned again, but this time it was the delighted, happy smile he was more used to seeing. "Okay," she said.

Becker didn't get a chance to ask Jess what she planned to do to convince Ricky not to come to the pub, because two things happened at once. One, he heard the unmistakable sound of the door handle behind him starting to turn, and two, Jess took one step towards him, placed her hands on his shoulders, went up on her tiptoes, and kissed him.

Becker forgot all about the first thing, and focused solely on the second.

Jess was kissing him. Actually, properly, _kissing_ him. He froze, completely shocked. Well… it wasn't a shock exactly – he knew that she, you know, liked him – he wasn't a total idiot, despite appearances, but he'd never thought that she would actually make the first move. In fact he'd thought that she'd eventually give up on waiting for _him _to make the first move, move on to someone who was less of an emotional numbskull, and leave him regretting his emotional numbskull-ness for the rest of his life. This, her kissing him out of the blue like this, this was completely… out of the blue.

This all flashed through Becker's head in a couple of microseconds, but even so his next thought was to be astounded at how much he rambled in his head.

The next thought was vague amusement at the fact that the thing that'd made Jess kiss him was him offering to buy her shoes.

Then he told himself to _shut the hell up_.

Jess was kissing him, and there was only one available course of action to take: Becker wrapped his arms around Jess' waist, pulled her towards him, and kissed her back.

Jess' lips were soft under his, and Becker immediately took control of the kiss, slanting his mouth over hers and pulling her even closer. Jess slid her hands over his shoulders to wrap her arms around his neck and made a sweet noise in the back of her throat that Becker knew he needed to hear again. He couldn't believe he'd waited so long to do this…

"_Well_."

To be perfectly honest, Becker might not have even noticed Ricky was back in the room if it weren't for Jess' reaction. He barely heard him speak (or rather, had better things to pay attention to) but Jess clearly did, because as soon as she heard him speak she jumped back and turned away from Becker.

"Oops, sorry!" Jess said breathlessly. Becker blinked his eyes open, his hands falling back to his sides, as Jess took a couple of steps away from him and sitting down again on the padded bench by her discarded shoes. She bent down to start undoing the straps on the shoes she was wearing.

Becker still couldn't move.

"We, erm... well, we're keeping it a secret from our friends and so when we're alone... well..." Jess grinned sheepishly at Ricky, who chuckled.

"Say no more, honey," he said. He looked at Becker, who stared back at him with what he could only assume was a gormless expression, and sighed. "Can't say I blame you. Why are all the good ones straight?"

Jess giggled. "Sorry!"

Becker's brain was still on catch-up. Jess had kissed him, and he had kissed her back but… but… she was…

Jess kicked off her shoes, the ones he'd promised to buy her if she uninvited Ricky, and the click of them hitting the floor seemed to snap Becker out of his stupor. _She had kissed him to get Ricky to back off_. Nothing more. It had been a ruse – her way of saving him, like he'd told her to. It had meant nothing.

"I got the peach ones for you – do you want to try them on?" Ricky was saying, holding out a shoe box to Jess.

She shook her head, slipping her feet back into her heels. "No, I'll just take them," she said. She scooped up the sandals she'd been wearing and held them out towards Ricky with an excited grin. "The Louboutins too."

Ricky's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Yep – Becker's getting them for me," Jess said.

"He's a keeper," Ricky said, winking at Becker.

"I know," Jess said She looked over at Becker for the first time since kissing him, and her cheeks went pink. Becker could feel the back of his neck growing warm as well as he remembered the kiss and, most importantly, his response to it. He'd kissed her back without any thought that it might not be real, and had made a complete fool of himself.

He'd always thought that Jess had… you know, liked him – but she'd kissed him and gone so smoothly into lying to Ricky that now he wasn't so sure. It obviously hadn't meant anything to her, which just left him looking like an idiot.

Jess looked away from Becker after a moment and followed Ricky over to the till. Becker trailed after them and, once Jess had paid for her peach shoes, used his credit card to pay for the Lou-ma-what's-it shoes. He managed not to wince when he saw the price, but it was a close call.

"So will you meet us at the pub?" Jess asked Ricky as he handed her the bag with her shoes.

"No, I think I'd better go to zumba – I had a mince pie today," Ricky said without a moment's hesitation.

"Well if you're sure," said Jess, doing a good job of sounding disappointed.

"I'm sure. Bye honey." Ricky turned to Becker and smirked. "And bye bye to you too, _Captain_."

"Bye," Becker managed to reply before following Jess through the shop. He could see through the glass that Matt and Emily had finished in the Apple store and were with Abby and Connor, waiting for them.

"You okay?" Jess said to him just before they left the shop.

Becker looked at Jess again and saw that she was giving him a serious look, clearly concerned by his silence. He tried to regroup – hopefully she wouldn't read too much into the way he'd responded, and would just assume he'd known what she was up to when he'd kissed her back.

He cleared his throat and managed a small smile. "Fine," he said. "Just warn me next time."

Jess raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips, looking amused. "Next time?" She asked.

Becker immediately felt his face heating up again, and he quickly turned away from Jess and pushed his way out of the shop.

TBC


	2. Two Sprigs of Mistletoe

Happy New Year, everyone! I was hoping to get this up a few days ago, but given my track record this is pretty good for me… :p Thanks very much for the reviews for the first part of the story; this is very much a linking chapter, but it got away from me and is stupidly long. Apologies! I hope you enjoy it anyway.

**Three glasses of Veuve, two sprigs of mistletoe and pair of Louboutin heels or, How Becker Finally Figures It Out**

**Part Two – Two Sprigs of mistletoe**

Becker sat as far away from Jess as possible at the pub after the kissing incident, and begged off as early as possible. The next morning he ran fifteen miles on the treadmill instead of visiting the Hub as usual, and since there wasn't an anomaly he was able to avoid seeing Jess all day. It was startling (and a little annoying), to realise how much unnecessary time he spent in the Hub, just so he could see Jess during the day. He must have been so obvious; no wonder Jess had been so quick to tease him about the kiss.

The next day, Becker felt a little more prepared to face her and figured that any impulse to tease him had probably left her system, so he made his way to the Hub at his usual time for a visit. Even though he now knew his own private reasons for so many visits were pointless, he also didn't want to just pull the plug on his visits all together… after all, he didn't want to damage the relationship he _did _have with Jess. (It was nothing to do with him missing her after just a day; nothing at all.)

Usually Becker's morning visits to the Hub went something like this: he would walk through the door, she would spot him and give him a big and ridiculously bright smile, he would walk over and say hello, she would say hello and ask how things were downstairs, he would tell her and ask about things up there, she would tell him some funny anecdote about the team or Lester or the scientists or whatever, he would say something to make her laugh and then feel smug about it, he'd say something that would make her blush and then feel even more smug about it, he'd smirk and say goodbye, he'd walk away. Sometimes he brought chocolate.

Today, his visit went more like this: he walked through the door, Jess spotted him but looked away again immediately, she looked back at him and gave him a small smile with a distinctly wary look in her eye, he walked over and said hello, she said hello back but didn't ask about how things were downstairs, there was an awkward silence during which Jess kept looking back down at her keyboard, then Jess looked back at him and asked if he needed anything, he said no, she said okay, he said okay, she said see you later, he said see you later, he left.

It didn't get any better. Every time Becker saw Jess, she was off with him. At first he thought there was something wrong with her, like maybe she was coming down with something, but it only took a day or so of seeing her interact with everyone else at the ARC for Becker to realise that it was only himself she seemed to have a problem with.

It was all because of that bloody kiss.

She was clearly reacting to the way he'd kissed her back so intently. She realised that he'd gotten the wrong idea about their relationship and her feelings, and she was trying to reset their boundaries by being completely professional with him. She'd _never _been completely professional with him. Even on the day they'd met, way before the teasing and the blushing had started, she had been bubbly and friendly and in his personal space and babbling at him like she'd known him for years.

He didn't like this new professional Jess. The thing was, though, he couldn't blame her. He'd clearly stepped over a line, and there was nothing he could do about it but go along with whatever Jess was comfortable with.

The next two weeks were hell for Becker. Relations with Jess didn't improve – in fact she seemed to get more and more comfortable with being strictly professional, and after a week or so Becker started avoiding the Hub again. Every time he saw her perfunctory, professional smile he was reminded of the way she _used _to smile at him, and he hated the sight of it. On top of Jess' behaviour there was very little to do at work, since there was only on anomaly alert that didn't even result in a breach and disappeared again after half an hour.

And of course on top of it all, it was the weeks leading up to Christmas. Lester, may God rain down blessings upon him, absolutely and resolutely banned Christmas decorations from the workplace, and that was the same this year as all previous ones. However, he had caved and agreed to a Christmas party, due to take place on Christmas Eve _in Becker's gym_. So there was _that _to prepare for as well. As soon as he'd heard about it (and as soon as Lester had refused to move it or cancel it) Becker had delegated any and all party-related organisation to a couple of his men. It was only after doing so that he'd realised that Jess was pretty much in charge of organising it. He couldn't decide if he was relieved to be avoiding her further or disappointed.

And so it was that Becker wasn't in the best of moods when he arrived at the party on Christmas Eve. He'd refused to dress up for it (they were lucky he'd deigned to change out of his uniform) but his jeans and shirt combo didn't look too out of place so it didn't matter. His eyes immediately sought out Jess when he entered his (hideously decorated) gym; she wasn't exactly hard to spot, being dressed in green and red from head to toe. She looked like an elf. A ridiculously cute and downright sexy elf.

Becker headed straight for the bar, and he stayed there nursing the same bottle of beer for the next hour. He made small talk with everyone who came near him and smiled and made jokes and generally tried to hide the fact that he would rather be anywhere else that right there. He'd figured that he could escape the party after about an hour and a half without anyone trying to stop him. Though it did occur to him as he sipped his beer and looked around at his colleagues having fun, that the person who would have been most likely to try and stop him leaving was Jess. Considering that the last time he'd seen her she was on the other side of the room laughing with Abby and Emily and had barely looked at him all evening, he doubted she'd care when he left.

And that was depressing enough to make him down his drink and grab another one.

"Pass me one of those." It was Abby's voice, and Becker nodded and picked up two bottles instead of one.

"Jess, what do you want?"

Becker's head whipped round so fast it was embarrassing. Sure enough, Jess was standing next to Abby, even cuter up close and looking at anything but him.

"Um… I think I'll just get another white wine," she said after a moment.

"I'll get it," Becker said quickly, pressing Abby's beer into her hand.

"It's okay, it's just here," Jess said. She still wasn't looking at him as she stepped forward and picked up a wine bottle from the table next to him. He went to get her a glass but noticed she was already holding one, so settled for another sip of his beer.

Jess finished pouring herself a drink and it was clear by her body language that she wanted to move away again, but Abby clearly wasn't going anywhere.

"Having fun propping up the bar?" Abby asked Becker.

"Lots," said Becker drily, turning his attention away from Jess. "I especially love how my gym has been turned into winter wonderland."

Abby snorted. "Oh come on, it looks great," she said. "Cheer up, Scrooge."

"We'll have everything back to normal by tomorrow, we already have a team assigned," Jess said. She was looking at him now, with that calm professional expression that he'd come to hate, and Becker belatedly realised that it had been Jess who had decorated the gym.

"I – I know," he said. "And it's fine. I mean, it looks good."

Jess held his gaze for only a second before looking away and taking a sip of her wine.

"It does look good," Abby said to Jess. "Really good. I love the decorations. The lights, and the holly, the tinsel dinosaurs…"

Yeah, those were especially… interesting.

"…the mistletoe."

"What mistle – Abby!"

Becker froze with his beer bottle halfway to his mouth. Abby, the utterly traitorous annoying little… _person_ that she was, had a piece of mistletoe in her hand, and her hand was held up above Becker and Jess' heads.

Abby's smirk was ridiculous, and if Becker hadn't been brought up not to hit girls… He glanced at Jess, and saw that she was completely frozen to the spot.

"Abby, _don't_," Becker growled, turning back to his friend – or, rather, _ex-friend_.

Abby's smirk just widened. "Come on, you two," she wheedled, swinging the mistletoe slightly. "It's _tradition_."

Jess finally unfroze, and gave a little laugh. "Honestly, Abby, you're ridiculous," she said. Then, so quickly Becker barely registered what was happening, Jess turned to him, pecked him on the cheek, shook her head at Abby, and walked away.

Becker watched her go – she didn't look back. He glared at Abby before turning away and drinking deeply from his beer.

"Wow," Abby said after a moment.

"You're dead to me," Becker said flatly. "Go away."

"Yeah… don't think so – hey, Wallace! Here, have fun."

Becker looked round just in time to see Abby handing her sprig of mistletoe to a rather bemused Sergeant Wallace, before turning back to him and giving him a stern look.

"What's going on?" She demanded.

Becker glared at her again. "Nothing."

Abby rolled her eyes. "Come on, Becker," she said. "You've been moping around for the past week and Jess is acting weird too. Something's happened but _she's _not telling me – so you need to."

"Abby –"

"Becker, please," she said seriously. Her expression softened and she put her hand on his arm. "Just tell me what's going on."

Later, Becker would blame his capitulation on the two beers – being a lightweight was preferable to being a softie. But, well, he just found that he wanted to talk to someone about it, and Abby was as good as anyone.

He looked round and nodded for Abby to follow him to a couple of seats in the corner of the room, tucked away a little behind the bar. It was the closest they'd get to privacy, and he didn't want anyone overhearing this.

"She kissed me," he said, as soon as they were seated. Before he could talk himself out of it.

Abby's eyes widened, and he didn't miss the way she had to rein in a smirk. "When?" She asked.

"A couple of weeks ago, when we all went shopping," Becker said. "When I went into the shoe shop."

Abby didn't try to hide the smirk this time. "And?" She asked. "How was it? Did you kiss her back?"

Becker frowned. "Yes."

Abby's smirk became a genuine smile. "So what's the problem?"

Becker shook his head. "It wasn't a real kiss."

Abby frowned. "I don't… it was a dream?"

Becker rolled his eyes. "No," he said. "She kissed me."

"So why wasn't it real?"

Becker took another swig of his drink before trying to answer. "I… The guy who works in the shoe shop was flirting with me and Jess found it really funny so she invited him to the pub with us and I knew that you lot would never let me live it down so I begged Jess to get Ricky to change his mind and I had to promise to buy her a pair of expensive shoes and so then Jess kissed me and I thought she was just, you know, kissing me because I said I'd buy her the shoes and you know what she's like with shoes but then Ricky came back in and she jumped away and told him that we were secretly dating and that's why she was kissing me and so it was all a plan to get Ricky to back off and that's why it wasn't real."

"…I see," Abby said after a moment's silence.

Becker sighed and shook his head again. "I'm an idiot," he said.

Abby's frown deepened. "Why? Becker, I don't really see what the problem is," she said. "So Jess kissed you to stop some guy flirting with you. Why does that make you an idiot?"

Becker hesitated before answering, but he'd come this far… "I thought it was real," he said. "I kissed her back." He looked down at his hands and when he looked back at Abby he found that she was grinning broadly. "What?"

"Nothing!" Abby said quickly. Then she nudged him with her elbow. "I just… I knew you liked her."

"If you're not going to take this seriously…"

"Who's not being serious?" Abby said. "Come on, what happened next?"

"Nothing."

"Well you must have said something to each other."

"Not really. I bought her the shoes and then, well, as we were leaving she asked me if I was okay, and I said… I told her to warn me next time, and she kind of said 'next time?' in this teasing way and I…"

"Bolted?" Abby suggested. "I remember you left the pub pretty sharpish."

"I didn't _bolt_," Becker said sullenly. "I retreated."

"Uh-huh," said Abby. She was silent for a moment. "And you say she hasn't spoken to you since then?"

"She speaks to me, of course she speaks to me," Becker said. "She just… she's really _professional _and she barely looks at me and… well you saw what just happened."

Abby waved a hand dismissively. "It's fine," she said. "This is easily fixable. You just need to tell her you like her."

Becker snorted. "Yeah, I don't think that would help," he said. "She just sees me as a friend, and nothing more."

He raised his bottle to his lips again, but was prevented from drinking by Abby smacking him round the back of the head. Hard.

"OW," he exclaimed, glaring at her. "What was that for?!"

"I take it back, you are an idiot," Abby said, glaring right back at him. "Of _course_ she sees you as more than a friend! Becker, she's crazy about you!"

"Then why isn't she talking to me?" Becker demanded. "I kissed her and she can barely look at me now. And if she liked me, why didn't she kiss me again just now?"

Abby stared at him in silence for so long that he started to think he'd won the argument. Then she shook her head. "Wow. You know nothing about women."

"Abby…"

"Seriously, I thought Connor was bad, but you are just…"

Becker turned to face her. "If you have something to say, just say it," he snapped.

Abby reached out and patted his arm. "Poor, delusional Becker," she said. "Put yourself in Jess' shoes for a minute."

Becker thought about making a quip about breaking an ankle, but decided it wasn't quite the time. Besides, Abby was clearly enjoying this and any joke would go straight over her head. He settled on just raising an eyebrow at her.

Abby smiled. "You're Jess and you're basically in love with your co-worker Becker who, despite being easy on the eyes, is completely clueless when it comes to women," she said. Becker rolled his eyes but didn't say anything.

"You wait almost two years for him to ask you out, completely tuning out any other man who tries to so much as flirt with you in the meantime," Abby continued. Becker frowned at that – he'd never actually seen Jess get asked out by anyone else – had she really been turning guys down? And who the hell had asked her out?

Abby was still talking. "Eventually, an opportunity presents itself for you to kiss him, and you take said opportunity with admirable enthusiasm. Are you with me so far?"

She was clearly waiting for an answer. "Yes," Becker said between gritted teeth.

"Good. You kiss him and he, halleluiah, kisses you back. He _properly_ kisses you back, and afterwards is all dazed and swoony and you think to yourself 'finally, now he might actually wake up and do something other than flirt with me'."

Becker barely had time to look confused before Abby ploughed on.

"Instead, he puts as much distance between the two of you as possible and then completely avoids you the next day. You're left to think over all those months you've thought he was flirting with you. Maybe he was just being friendly. You clearly read way too much into the fact that he makes excuses to visit your desk three times a day like clockwork. He sees you as a little sister and you threw yourself at him. No wonder he's avoiding you – you must have made him so uncomfortable."

Becker gaped at Abby. "You really think that –"

"_This is terrible_," Abby continued as though he hadn't said anything. "You need to work with him, what are you going to do? The _only_ thing you can do is reassure him that it won't happen again. The next time you see him you're going to be strictly professional. No more trying to flirt with him; you don't want him thinking you're obsessing over what happened or that it's going to happen again. You don't –"

"Okay, okay," Becker said, holding up a hand. "You've made your point."

Abby raised an eyebrow at him as he thought over what she'd said. He felt the faint stirrings of hope but he refused to let himself get carried away. "Do you really think that's what's going on?"

"_Yes_," Abby said, giving him an exasperated look. "Becker, Jess is mad about you. She has been ever since I've known her. The first evening we spent at her flat she spent a whole hour quizzing Connor and me on everything we know about you."

Becker couldn't hide his smile at _that_ piece of information, and Abby rolled her eyes when she saw it. "You need to tell her how you feel," she said.

The smile faded immediately. "I…"

"And you need to do it soon, before she gets snapped up by someone else," said Abby with a stern look. Becker frowned, and Abby looked unimpressed at his reaction. "I wasn't kidding about the tuning out guys flirting with her. She really does. Or at least she did… I'd act fast if I were you."

Abby stood up. "Now, anything else you need explained?" She asked.

Becker stood up as well, smiling in spite of himself. "No, I'm good for now," he said. He clinked his beer bottle against Abby's. "Thanks."

Abby grinned. "No problem," she said. She raised her bottle in a salute. "Good luck."

Becker turned away from her towards the main party, still smiling, and the first thing he saw was Jess across the room. She was turned a little away from him, and was laughing at something one of the scientists – a young guy called Dr Mason – was saying to her. Then Becker noticed that Mason was holding mistletoe – it must have been the same stuff that Abby had had – and he was holding it up between them.

Jess laughed again, stepped forward, and kissed him. Not on the cheek, on the lips. And not just a peck – okay, she didn't go to town or anything and she didn't put her arms around him and even with white noise rushing in his ears Becker could still appreciate that it was nothing like the way she'd kissed him in the shoe shop. But the point was, it was a kiss. She was kissing someone else.

He had blown it.

"Becker, don't freak out," Abby said from behind him.

Becker shook his head and put his beer bottle down on the table next to him. He turned to face Abby, who was looking up at him with a wary expression.

He forced a smile. "It's fine," he said. "I'm going to go."

"Becker –"

"Merry Christmas," he said. And then without another glance at Jess, Abby or anyone else, Becker headed for the gym door.


End file.
